Crawling out of the 2020 hole

It’s been a while since I last wrote, and mercy, the world has changed. My personal world transformed in 2020 as well: in the midst of a global pandemic, I became a mother.

My daughter lights up my life, but I must admit that I didn’t manage the transition very gracefully. I spent about 4 months buried under postpartum depression, only to develop crippling anxiety that was exacerbated by a long Canadian winter and strict provincial lockdowns. Parental leave benefits aren’t luxurious by any mean I’ve fortunately been able to get help. Thankfully, the worst seems to have passed and my head is clear enough to write again.

The last year has been a crash course on living in the moment, on letting go of expectations, on remaining flexible, on accepting how very little control I actually have. Parts of this process have been liberating; others, especially that last bit, have been tough pills to swallow.

I’m certain of one thing though: as vaccines roll out, I’m optimistic for a very different version of “normal” life. The picture is pretty blurry from inside my isolated covid/new mom bubble, but I see a great opportunity to shake things up.

Whether large-scale changes maintain traction remains to be seen, but my family and I certainly have some big changes in store this year. For the first time in a long time, I have hope. And if we’re lucky, it’s contagious.

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